Today I woke up exhausted.
By 7:30 am I felt drained.
At 1pm , I was worn out.
Sometimes I get sick of feeling, I desire to be numb. There are days when I wish I was emotionally stunted so that I just wouldn’t have to deal with my emotions at all. Instead , I’m built to feel everything . I am extremely in touch with my emotions and it becomes overwhelming.
A lot of times people call me dramatic or tell me things could be worse. I even say that to myself in my attempt to dumb down the pain that I feel but that doesn’t help. Actually, I end up feeling crazy or minimizing the experiences that have made a huge impact on my life.
I made the decision to fight for my life in a sober manner. No alcohol, no marijuana , not even medicine to help deal with anxiety. I decided that I wanted to feel each and every emotion that came to me. Now I am learning to sit in rather than to distract myself from them.
My feelings hit me in waves. There are beautiful moments when I feel amazingly happy. When absolutely nothing can bring me down. I also experience extreme sadness. The slightest negative experience brings me to a very dark place that is normally very difficult for me to climb out of.
I have decided that today I will sit in that dark space. To feel it. To experience it without fighting it. I have decided to feel.
Today I offer no inspiration, only my own personal release. This is an authentic moment, even the darkest ones are still beautiful and worth collecting.