Staying Alive

1.

I went around as if nothing had ever happened; Speaking as if things were normal. Planning for the future, making decisions for both of our lives. We were moving forward with things , no questions asked.

Inside I was breaking, constantly trying to hold it together, trying to save face. I didn’t want anyone to sense the trouble stirring in our world. He would be fine, we would be fine, I just had to keep my head up and my smile on.

The moment I knew it was over I could never forget. I was busy planning, arguing, fighting. Trying to regain control of the situation for us and one simple text debunked it all. I remember speaking over my scrambled eggs, picking up my cell phone and mid bite saying ” this is the end”.

Still, I decided to not let go. I would continue to fight and created a scenario in my mind that he would stand by my side.

So I wore my ring and spoke of us as if we were still a thing knowing that it would soon die. There was nothing else I could do to keep us alive.

except, deny.

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