Going natural has been more than just an adjustment physically, this has been a journey mentally and spiritually as well. The beginning stages were rough, I decided to do the big chop for the third time and actually stick it out. I didn’t like what I saw when I looked in the mirror and I felt uncomfortable in my own hair majority of the time. I either kept it wrapped, in braids, or under a wig; anything to not display my hair. This became the way people were use to seeing me. In between my protective styles when I would wear my “fro” , I noticed people responded to me differently; less people recognized me, I received less compliments, and guys didn’t hit on me.
I began to question whether or not I was still attractive. I looked at the hair of other people that went natural, even my sister and somedays wished I was different. I wished that my hair was a finer texture, that it grew faster and longer, that it wasn’t so naturally dry. I wished that I wouldn’t have to work so hard for my coils to show and that my hair could be considered curly too rather than nappy. I was tired of being called “picky headed” or hearing others use me as the opposition to “good hair”. It was becoming difficult to see the beauty in my own hair, in my crown.
I am not my hair.
I spent so much time encouraging others to embrace their natural crowns as it was a part of who they are without realizing that I had began to allow it to completely define me. I am not my hair, my hair is not me. I am beautiful both inside and out whether other people recognize it or not. Ultimately the only person who had to love my natural hair was me. “Nappy, picky, rough” , all the words used to describe my hair texture that I once found offensive I now embrace, regardless of the negative connotation.
My Nappy 4C hair is beautiful.