One year ago I became engaged to be married. This engagement came after five long years of an on again off again relationship. This was my first adult love, the man that I gave my all to. Together we suffered so much hell, it felt like making it to a proposal had been a victory. Instead it was a complete failure and hell literally broke loose shortly after bringing the short lived engagement to a swift end.
This forced me to really look at myself, to ask myself tough questions. To be honest with myself about why I continued to put myself through hell and sacrifice parts of who I was for someone else. I also asked myself if all that I had lost, if where I was mentally and emotionally was worth it.
I decided it was not.
This then pushed me even further into the place of the self work and awareness and acceptance of my own mental health that I share with you all so much about. I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I was dealing with things that I didn’t even realize. So I decided to take control of my life and my healing. It wasn’t easy, and it is still a daily process. It is hard every day to not slip back into the cycle of who I once was. But I am focused on being the best me I possibly can.
I decided that in 2021 I would not be romantically involved with any one because the person that I want to fall in love with the most is me. And not only fall in love with myself be the best version of me when the time is right for love again in my world , Just as Tory Kelly announced in her song Dear No One.
Dear No One,
It’ll be worth the wait.